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Some random thoughts on Twilight: Eclipse
WHY am I still awake at 4 a.m.? Why, why, why? (Oh yeah, probably something to do with how fricking hot it is. I was spoiled by a relatively cool June and therefore am still acclimating to the triple digit weather that is typical for where I live in July).
Anyway, since I can't sleep, some thoughts on Twilight, which I took myself to see today to rent some air conditioning. Please be aware that I watch these movies for the lulz, so if you're a serious fan you may not want to click. Also spoilers, natch.
1. I honestly and completely cannot fathom why Bella would pick Edward over Jacob. It makes NO SENSE to me. And it's not just because I think Taylor Lautner is hotter than RPatz (RPatz is not bad when he's not made up to look like a sparkly corpse), it's because I agree with what every single person in the movie is telling her: you'll regret making this decision so young; you'll regret losing your friends and family; you don't really understand what vampirism is like; the cost of immortality is never moving forward; etc. etc. etc. forever. I mean, I'm not sure about the wolf thing either--that would be, at the very least, dangerous and disconcerting!--but I just don't see what Edward offers her apart from 19th century sexual standards. (And generally I favor vampires over werewolves, if forced to choose, but the Edward of the films is SO lacking charisma I just don't see it.)
2. I have probably been in fandom too long when I am completely impatient with love triangles and brain keeps chanting "threesome, threesome, threesome, threesome, this would all be solved easily be a THREESOME." And I'm not invested in the text enough to seek out fic, but surely there must be some quality enemy sex between Edward and Jacob out there, right?
3. The best part of the movie, for me, was when Bella is having the conversation about marriage with her dad, and asks him why he hasn't remarried, and he says he just hasn't met the right person yet, and someone in the theater said (undoubtedly much louder than she intended) "I'm right here!" and the entire audience just convulsed with laughter.
4. I actually liked this movie the best of the three. Well, anything would have been an improvement over the last one, when I wanted to kill Edward myself for his whininess and whap Bella upside the head with a cluestick, but for a film where half the plot seemed to be "let's have serious conversations about our feelings" it actually didn't drag. And there was a lot of action, too--I really liked the "war with Victoria's newbie vamp army" plot, as well as the mystery of what the hell the Voltari, or however you spell that, is up to. And Kirsten Stewart seems to have overcome her worst acting tics, which was a relief. I did feel really bad for that young teenager who got vamped, rescued by the Cullens and then killed by the Voltari, though. CREEPY DAKOTA FANNING IS CREEPY. (Though she's kind of aging out of this role, isn't she?)
5.I really love Bella's parents. That quilt her mom made from her out of trip T-shirts was awesome, and the attempt by Charlie to have the sex talk with her was HILARIOUS.
6. I really liked getting some of the backstory on the other vampires in the Cullen clan--they did a great job implying the violence and lack of choice for Rosalie and Jasper.
7.As usual, the cinematography makes me want to take a trip to the Pacific Northwest. And oh, god, the beautiful, beautiful rain. (Sorry to folks with really rainy summers, but it's not going to rain here for another 4 months and I MISS IT.)
Huh. I guess that wasn't a very lulzy review. Sorry?
Anyway, since I can't sleep, some thoughts on Twilight, which I took myself to see today to rent some air conditioning. Please be aware that I watch these movies for the lulz, so if you're a serious fan you may not want to click. Also spoilers, natch.
1. I honestly and completely cannot fathom why Bella would pick Edward over Jacob. It makes NO SENSE to me. And it's not just because I think Taylor Lautner is hotter than RPatz (RPatz is not bad when he's not made up to look like a sparkly corpse), it's because I agree with what every single person in the movie is telling her: you'll regret making this decision so young; you'll regret losing your friends and family; you don't really understand what vampirism is like; the cost of immortality is never moving forward; etc. etc. etc. forever. I mean, I'm not sure about the wolf thing either--that would be, at the very least, dangerous and disconcerting!--but I just don't see what Edward offers her apart from 19th century sexual standards. (And generally I favor vampires over werewolves, if forced to choose, but the Edward of the films is SO lacking charisma I just don't see it.)
2. I have probably been in fandom too long when I am completely impatient with love triangles and brain keeps chanting "threesome, threesome, threesome, threesome, this would all be solved easily be a THREESOME." And I'm not invested in the text enough to seek out fic, but surely there must be some quality enemy sex between Edward and Jacob out there, right?
3. The best part of the movie, for me, was when Bella is having the conversation about marriage with her dad, and asks him why he hasn't remarried, and he says he just hasn't met the right person yet, and someone in the theater said (undoubtedly much louder than she intended) "I'm right here!" and the entire audience just convulsed with laughter.
4. I actually liked this movie the best of the three. Well, anything would have been an improvement over the last one, when I wanted to kill Edward myself for his whininess and whap Bella upside the head with a cluestick, but for a film where half the plot seemed to be "let's have serious conversations about our feelings" it actually didn't drag. And there was a lot of action, too--I really liked the "war with Victoria's newbie vamp army" plot, as well as the mystery of what the hell the Voltari, or however you spell that, is up to. And Kirsten Stewart seems to have overcome her worst acting tics, which was a relief. I did feel really bad for that young teenager who got vamped, rescued by the Cullens and then killed by the Voltari, though. CREEPY DAKOTA FANNING IS CREEPY. (Though she's kind of aging out of this role, isn't she?)
5.I really love Bella's parents. That quilt her mom made from her out of trip T-shirts was awesome, and the attempt by Charlie to have the sex talk with her was HILARIOUS.
6. I really liked getting some of the backstory on the other vampires in the Cullen clan--they did a great job implying the violence and lack of choice for Rosalie and Jasper.
7.As usual, the cinematography makes me want to take a trip to the Pacific Northwest. And oh, god, the beautiful, beautiful rain. (Sorry to folks with really rainy summers, but it's not going to rain here for another 4 months and I MISS IT.)
Huh. I guess that wasn't a very lulzy review. Sorry?